Lesson from SMRT

People always undermine operation, maintenance and service delivery. It's always more glamorous to flash the P&L, stock price, new deals, party, celebrities, publicity, golf, etc. Operation is taken for granted. The problem is that operation is the foundation. It's what you sell to customers. In the context of SMRT since it serves the public's interest more than share holders, it's even more important. SMRT took operation for granted. The money they used to invest in the retail space, hired dolly dim sum, etc would be more useful if they channel it to operation. Once it blows up, it will cost the high flyers' job.

Brain and Emotion

"I think kamu terlalu mengandalkan brain, and if it does not work, your emotion cant manage it..."



Sepenggal kalimat di atas diucapkan seorang sahabat lewat fb message. Seorang sahabat yang unik, yang saya kenal sejak 20 tahun yang lalu. Baru saja bersua, dan tiba2 saya teringat persamaan dan perbedaan di antara kita. Kita sama2 suka berbalas pantun. Bedanya dia 'cool'. Coolness-nya itu yang membuat dia bisa menarik hati seseorang, demikian.


Menarik nasehat yang dia berikan. Kalau saya terlalu mengandalkan otak, dan sesuatu tidak terjadi seperti yang otak saya harapkan, maka emosi saya tidak dapat mengendalikannya. 


Mengendalikan apa?


Biasanya, orang selalu diminta untuk mengendalikan emosi mereka. Emosi adalah sesuatu yang harus ditekan, dipendam, dikalahkan. Emosi seperti musuh yang harus ditaklukkan.


Menarik sekali, kalau ternyata dia memberikan perspektif yang berbeda. Emosi itu bukan lawan, bukan musuh. Emosi adalah diri kita sendiri. Gantinya berusaha menekan emosi, dan memperlakukannya seperti 'bagian lain' dan musuh - kita seharusnya melihat emosi adalah kekuatan diri kita sendiri.


Kalau otak kita tidak melihat hasil yang diharapkan, kalau suasana dan kejadian tidak seperti yang diharapkan, maka bukan emosi yang harus ditekan - tetapi emosi kitalah yang dapat melihat semua hal dari perspektif yang utuh. Dengan demikian emosi kita dapat mengendalikan suasana, walaupun otak kita melihat hal-hal yang tidak kita harapkan...

The Kingdom of God and Flying Without Wings

Setelah sekian lama menggumuli Matius 6:33, tiba-tiba saya menemukan suatu arti baru dari ayat hebat itu. Carilah dahulu Kerajaan Allah dan Kebenaran-Nya maka semuanya itu akan ditambahkan kepadamu.

Beberapa penafsiran yang populer dan umum misalnya:
1. Yang basic, pokoknya cukup bilang secara high level, bahwa kalau kita beribadah dengan taat, hidup baik2 di hadapan Tuhan, maka Tuhan akan memelihara kita. Tidak ada yang salah dengan ini, cuma untuk orang-orang melan seperti saya, saya tidak pernah yakin dan selalu dihantui keraguan 'apakah saya cukup baik? bagaimana dengan dosa kecil, besar yang disembunyikan di bawah pohon? Apakah server yang down kemarin itu gara2 Tuhan bete dengan saya?

2. Yang lebih prosperity, kira2 begini: Saudara2, berilah untuk Tuhan, perlebar kerajaan Allah, malam hari ini, saat Engkau membuka dompetmu, menulis cek-mu, saat ini juga, aku katakan, tingkap-tingkap langit terbuka, dan kepadamu akan ditambahkan. Ditambahkan, ditambahkan sampai meluap-luap....apa itu yang meluap? emas, perak, saham, bank account, BMW, dll...Tidak ada yang salah juga dengan ini, emang mana bisa saya bilang si ini atau si itu salah :)

Nah, cuma belakangan waktu kebetulan dengar lagu-nya Flying Without Wings dari Westlife, yang jelas2 lagu sekular...teks-nya begini:

[Shane:]
Everybody's looking for that something
One thing that makes it all complete
You'll find it in the strangest places
Places you never knew it could be
Some find it in the face of their children
Some find it in their lover's eyes
Who can deny the joy it brings
When you've found that special thing
You're flying without wings
[Mark:]
Some find it sharing every morning
Some in their solitary lives
You'll find it in the words of others
A simple line can make you laugh or cry

You'll find it in the deepest friendship
The kind you cherish all your life
And when you know how much that means
You've found that special thing
You're flying without wings

So, impossible as they may seem
You've got to fight for every dream
Cos who's to know which one you let go
Would have made you complete
[Shane:]
Well, for me it's waking up beside you
To watch the sunrise on your face
To know that I can say I love you
In any given time or place
[Mark:]
It's little things that only I know
Those are the things that make you mine
And it's like flying without wings
Cos you're my special thing
I'm flying without wings
[Shane:]
And you're the place my life begins
And you'll be where it ends
[Mark:]
I'm flying without wings
And that's the joy you bring
I'm flying without wings

Hmm.... sepotong lagu dunia untuk menafsirkan ayat suci? Penulis lagu ini cuma bilang kalau lagu ini tentang 'apa yang membuat kita 'complete' '

Tiba-tiba saya melihat perspektif Matius 6:33 dalam cahaya yang lain. Bisakah saya menyanyikan tiap pagi, bahwa yang terutama dalam hidup saya, adalah saat melihat wajah Sang Pencipta Mentari bersinar pada saya setiap pagi, dan bahwa setiap saat saya bisa membisikkan 'Saya mencintai-Mu' dalam degup sukacita yang bergolak?

Bisakah? Itulah yang terutama dan membuat hidup kita utuh, komplit, complete, cukup, penuh, tak kekurangan, sempurna - yaitu kalau kita menyatu dalam Kerajaan Allah itu. Pada saat itu, semua yang lain, they do not matter anymore. Dan itulah artinya kata "ditambahkan" - artinya, yang lain-lain itu bukan lagi yang utama, bukan yang membuat engkau complete, bukan yang membuat engkau bahagia seutuhnya, bukan yang membuat engkau penuh sepenuhnya. Allah tetap akan menyediakan semua itu, makanan, pakaian, rumah - seperti Dia memelihara triliun-an burung- burung yang berkeriapan, seperti Dia mendandani bunga-bunga bakung, dan juga koral-koral di dasar laut serta bunga edelweiss di puncak gunung - dan semua itu cuma tambahan.

Karena kalau kita bisa melihat Mentari itu bersinar tiap pagi menerpa wajah kita, dan kita tenggelam dalam Kerajaan Allah, itu saja yang membuat hidup kita utuh.

Flying Without Wings

I fell asleep and woke up with this Westlife's song.

I am glad I was reminded that we cannot have everything in life. Life is about many choices and what we decides.

Everybody's looking for a something
One thing that makes it all complete
You'll find it in the strangest places
Places you never knew it could be.

Well, for me it's waking up beside you
To watch the sunrise on your face
To know that I can say I love you
At any given time or place

Life works in a way of balance. If you choose to eat the cake you cannot have it anymore. If you choose to use your time to read newspaper, you will take the time you can use with your spouse. If you reject a friend's request or give in, there is something you either give or take away in the friendship.

If you are worried and restless in life, there are some energy and time you spend instead of enjoying it with your beloved.

The joy to watch the sunrise on God's face, my wife's face is something I want to choose and would make fly without wings.

With that, suddenly I remember something, I email my friend, coz I know what I want to choose and let go to have my life fly without wings.

Connecting the Dots

It is about Steve Jobs. Well he was not a philanthropist, neither ever does he give me a free coffee. I don't know him personally. He did not live next door or in my block.

So, why is this unknown person leaving the world with so muchb respect, including from me?

It is his spirit and legacy. What he did, inspire the world. Proving that we can do it. If we were born poor and needed to collect on 5 cent per Coca Cola can, look at him, he could make it. If we had to drop out of college coz no money, look at him. Follow your heart and do what you love to do.

He is a symbol of courage and freedom.

Something the average people have lost. We would not want to pursue what we love and feel free to do? Why? Coz we got another 20 years of this bloody housing loan. And the education fund for the kids.

So we will keep slogging with anxiety, worry, and restlessness, till we are old and have no energy to chase our dream - in order to ensure we have bread on the table, and a bit of money to buy iPhone :)

Steve, your legacy of courage, freedom spirit, and perseverance - may it still remains.

Something good comes out

Like many of us, I am not perfect. Sometimes we did not achieve what we want. So recently I met up with my ex-client, happened to bumped to him on the escalator.

Very nice person, very godly and wonderful.

And as we chat a little of guilt still creep in inside me.

Then suddenly another lady came approaching us, smiled and shook my hand. "XXXX, right?" she said, to my amazement that she knew my name, while I was trying hard to guess hers.

My ex-client quipped, " We got married because of that CRM project..."

I was stunned really stunned. Speechless.

"At least something good came out of it, right" he smiled.

Yes, I think God is amazing. He can make, create something good out of some circumstances that we deem is not good.

Looking at the context, bigger picture

These days, since I joined a new company for almost a year, I have been learning new things. Not too much in knowledge and hard skills, in fact due to most of the time spent in fire fighting I almost learn none.

But I learn a lot about Emotional Intelligence. I am now still reading Daniel Goleman's book. Also just read a very short book about NLP, and I quite like some of the concepts. For example, putting things in context and defining a state. Last time I used to easily annoyed of office politics, some petty people sent stupid emails, worse cc to everyone, to the bosses. Normally I could feel tired for weeks for those episodes. If not, I would try to stage a revenge.

I now try to look at the context and bigger picture. A sarcastic, knife-sharp cutting emails from colleagues, means absolutely nothing in the ocean of life. The big picture of life's journey, where my wife, kids, parents, and God is in the pictire, looks much bigger and overshadow that kind of incident. The context is that ' as you grow old, you'll realise you could not be too petty over small matters'. The earth grave is not too far away, and we may lose the big picture of God's plan, His thought, His dream about our life, should we are too engrossed in small matters.

If we look at the big picture, things that inject angst in our lifes, like 'fear of losing job', fear of poverty, fear of humiliation - it really does not matter. Life is short, and once you cross over 35, you are more likely to be reminded of the short term rental we have on earth. It is now, that I can understand more, why it was wrong for the Israelites to cry over meats, waters, and other convenience stuffs, when they were marching to the Promised Land, the Holy City of God.

Regret from the Past

I was recently linked again (thanks to Facebook, no matter I tried to undermine FB, some reality knocks) with my ex-kos mate. I had many wonderful memories with him, like we went into baptism together, we used to had the berbalas pantun session at night, and other stuffs, including we always tried to offend and demean each other.

A few hours call in the skype and left me with a empty feeling after that. One of our school mate, decided to abandon his first degree to go to medical school. I remembered him, both of us used to mourn our regret too. But now it's different, he made it up and I am stuck with regret for all my life.

I am not sure if now it still makes sense for me to start all over again with my age. I should have got the guts many years ago.

I used to think my settlement in Singapore was a blessing, maybe not. Maybe it's a liability now. For had I not come here, I would have the possibility to folllow W's path.

I don't know.....

Your Best Life Now

I am reading the book Your Best Life Now, by Joel Oesteen. It is a good book and I recommend it for you to read it.

I once met one of my good friend -whom I always admire of his sharp mind and spirituality - at Coffee Bean Orchard. I brought the book so I could read it along the one hour trip from my home. I would have guessed that he would welcome the book too, on the assumption he stays with a modern charismatic church, where I am now with a traditional conservative laid back church.

I think my belief has been swinging extremely right-left-up-down like roller coaster (of course within boundaries). From a pagan, grew up in mixed belief that Jesus co-exists with deity of other religions, then was born again and shot into radical Christian. Then the ride has been bumpy so far, all kind of theology, or even almost lost my faith ( I mean purpose - not belief)...

I commended the book, however, as I was struggling in my new job. For the first few months I had to recite some of the books' quote of Oesteen, to give me confidence and bravery in my daily work and not to feel down and inferior.

But, my friend's comment did strike me a bit. What is this book for - or whom? What does it mean by "best life"?

I remembered, for example, the other prosperity church that I attend sometimes, teaches that the meaning of God's discipline cannot be poverty, diseases or the lost of beloved. That means we are meant to be healthy, rich, and die in old age - always. God would discpline us in ways, i.e. giving us a troublesome boss, putting us behind a slow car to train our patient, etc. The only catch of this, is that he would have problem of explaining the book of Job, on which his rival whose service is at Expo now has been going deep into this book.

I am contemplating on this and I think the key issue is the defintion of 'best life'?

What does it mean? What is the definition? And who defines it? What does the Bible say? The problem of the Bible - those of you ever sit in Bible School know what I mean - you can interpret almost anything out of your Bible.

We have no doubt - absolutely not - that God wants the best in our life. God wants us to live a good life. (Ok, to be honest, my mentor, an SMU Professor told me: 'No, it is not God's purpose for you to have good life, but to glorify Him' Ok, I didn't buy it. I think it should be both).

Does God really mean that the best life is abundant of money? Perpetual perfect health? Sanity of tragedy? What is the definioin of best life?

I still don't have an answer. But I remembered when I was 14 years old, when I was just born again, neither did I have an answer to this, yet I was overwhelmed with a feeling, belief, emotion, thought that God will take care of everything and I could just rest in peace (not RIP, please). The belief, I could not formulate it into some wordy definition, but I just believed.

I still recommend the book.

One Dawn at Orchard

It was dawn (my definition is just 8 plus) at Orchard, cold after rain morning. What was I doing in Orchard at that hours? It's been a long time I had not been walking around on Orchard in the morning, since I left Bethany.

It started with a couple of SMS-es in one boring Satuday, sent to some friends I had not a chance to meet for some time. One guy picked it up, althought the initial reply was 'Who is this?'.

Okay, it's okay. So since that friend would be around at Orchard in the afternoon after his church related activities, then I met him at Orchard and we spent a very wonderful time of hours chatting from social-faith-hacking. I had called another friend to book his time to meet -yep in Orchard- and planned to watch movie, after the session with him.

Alas, I could not find the movie with the right time, so we had to wait untilk 9 pm. We then had the Indonesian food dinner, I haven't had for some time, at Lucky Plaza. Then I suddenly I remembered, why not pay a visit to my friend who was hospitalised in the nearby hospital.

My friend was supposed to undergo a quick operation, and by now the original plan for him was to go back to work already. Hailed over from Indonesia, hoping for better treatement in Singapore, the doctor accidentally cut his nerves causing him to be immobile. Adding to it, the hospital put him in the wrong ward, and he was infected by his next ward-mate suffering from lung infection. The wardmate died not long after that.

So, now he was immobilized, got lung infection and the nurse was careless that the drug drips, was leaking, adding to the fact that his medication was delayed then. The expensive private hospital added the onus by not having enough paramedics working on the long weekend, so he had to stay longer.

Ok, so I visited him. He was companied by his wife and mother. His wife then asked if I could company his mother at night, which mean I slept at the house she stayed. Ok, I thought, afteralL I was already in Orchard.

Then I left for Mark Zuckerberg's Social Network. Awesome movie, inspiring but mixed feeling. I still don't understand why Facebook can make it. Nothing fancy in technology, and they were not the first mover. Friendster and myspace was already there.

Finished movie, it was late, I ran under the grizzling rain to the house nearby hospital. The house belong to -at one point of time was one of the richest man in Indonesia -. well the family is still rich now, and his name will always be respected.

Could not sleep well. Or should I put it I almost did not sleep. So I woke up in the morning, sending my friend's mother to hospital, walking like zombie to the MRT.

And that explains why I walked in the dawn on Orchard.

Megamind

I like the movie. Another good one to remember.

The world is a stage of judgment and it has no mercy. Megamind is a story to explain why some people behave the way that was badly perceived by others. And the ordinary Mr Nice Guy that is not a publich enemy, not necessarily is a good guy, it's just that he doesn't have a chance, i.e Titan.

I remember long long time ago, when I was young, naive and zealous and tried to shared my faith to a foreigner in a broken English. He told me, that the reason I have my belief is becaue the environment I grew up with. I disagreed, as I grew older I understand what he meant. In the movie, it started about the comment about destiny.

Everybody deserves a second chance, and third, and fourth and so on. Everybody has their past that 'made' them to be like the way they are.

But one day, we'll find our own calling. That's was the advise of Metroman. He has been doing all the good things, but of all the good deeds he has done, is portraited in different perception in the movie. Only that one piece of advise he gave to Megamind, perhaps is the real good deed worth to remember in the movie.

I like the movie. Another one worth to remember.

Everyone will find their calling, everyone deservers the second chance.

The Family Man

One of my most favourite movie is 'The Family Man', starred by Nicolas Cage and Tea Leony. Surprisingly, it was not very successful, it was not even in the mind of many people when it was launched.

For many of the working class people, Wall Street is a dream. A beautiful dream. Penthouse in the centre of Manhattan, you can have all what you want - as Jack Campbell said it 'I've got everything I need'.

I like the appearance of the mysterious angel - and the film purposely left him as just unclear and to our own interpretation. I like the idea of the board and the upper esselon, and his face when he said to the failed store owner 'you blew it...'. And also when finally he reminded Jack of the glimpse.

The movie takes the approach like Victor Frankl's - a psychiatrist who survived the NAZI camp and author of 'In Seach of Meaning'. It asks the question, "What if....?" So the writer asked Jack Campbell: What if you were married? What if you lose all your Wall Street status? What if you could not afford a $2,400 suit? What if you gotta work as a tyre salesman, in contrast the high-flyer of Wall St? What if you gotta save cents by cents, clipping coupons, waiting for another 122 payment to own your house - just like many working class Americans?

But you got your family. You have 2 kids. You have a lovely wife instead of the different women you have every month.

The other way around approach is often used by pshyciatrist also, i.e for a stress mother who cannot take the noise, messy house caused by kids. Ask her a question, imagine that the house is quiet and clean. It is as perfect as you imagine. But you don't have the kids.

Often people start realizing that whatever they have is greater than whatever they don't have.

It is certainly one of the best movie I keep in my heart. The acting of Cage and Leony is excellent. Certain plots perhaps I would tweak were I the writer, but overall is genius! The idea of glimpse, the mysterious angel, and the presentation of Wall St - I like it. The snowy background is wonderful too.

It's just that after watching the movie, I still feel that how nice it is to fly around in Wall St :)

Farewell

I never thought that I would have had to send this "kind of" email. Sigh.
==================
Dear Colleagues,

Tomorrow is my last day in XXXX and I want to say thank you for all your support and kindness you have rendered to me for the last (almost) 6 years. As I close this chapter, it reminds me of the epigraph to the Romance of The Three Kingdoms about the Three Gorges in Yang Tze River. Allow me to quote a piece of poem from Yang Shen, translated by Lee Wei Ling:

Wave on wave the long River rolls away;
Gone are all heroes with its spray on spray
Success or failure, right or wrong, all turn out vain
Only green mountains still remain,
To see the setting suns’s departure.
The white-haired fisherman sail on the stream with ease,
Accustomed to the autumn moon and vernal breeze.
A pot of wine in hand, they talk as they please.
How many things before and after, all melt into gossip and laughter.

Ik wil iedereen op deze manier erg hartelijk danken voor de goede samenwerking in de afgelopen periode, uiteraard wens ik iedereen veel succes binnen XXXX. De God zegent u.

Selamat Tinggal,

===========
So? Foes or allies, all are gone in the spray of River. Gold or sabre, all sink into the River. What do we have but a piece of happiness with a pot of wine when we travel through the Lake and River.

My son's first prayer

Son: Susu...susu ..susu...

Parent: You just had yours....

Son: "Lord Ci-ces...thank ku...for today...be-less....papa and mama and Cemy....amen..ho-lu-yaaa."

*silent for a while, then he continued*

Son: "Tuhan adalah gembalaku....takkan ko-ko-na-ngan...aku...."

*then..he shouted*

"Minta susu!"

For which the parents were gladly preparing the milk for him :)

Love and better husband

One of my close friend, once responded to my question of what is his vision in life with 'to be a better husband'..

oh how true is his word....he is indeed very wise....one of the wisest among my friends...

love grows in marriage, much different than the way it did during the teenagers' courtship. It takes sacrifice, it filters out bullshit but it brings hard work. It makes you eliminate your angers in daily life, it makes you stop certain hobbies, it makes you spend less time for yourself, those are sounds mundande, but that is part of love too.

I see Jesus as an example. His love was not 'wishy washy'. It was simple, direct, clear then He died on the cross. It was not out of 'storming' emotion, misleading feeling, etc., it was simply out of love, then He died for you and me.

Isn' t that love all about?

So to be a better husband, is to mature our love to our wife.

Benny Hinn and the Divine Marriage

Suzanne Hinn filed the papers in Orange County Superior Court on Feb. 1, citing irreconcilable differences, after more than 30 years of marriage. The papers note the two separated on Jan. 26 and that Hinn has been living in Dana Point, a wealthy coastal community in southern Orange County.

I am in no way judging Hinn at all. I don't have the right neither intention to do so. The story of Hinn, is like, he is 'the chosen one' in Harry Potter, or 'the prophecised ones' like the 4 kids in Narnia, he is like Frodo of Lord of the Rings, he is like the King Arthur with the Excalibur.

I am sure, just like many of us, you were shocked of the news. I remember when I was a very young youth, filled with zeal and fire, his book was my favorite, 'Good Morning Holy Spirit'. And one of my most favorite section is the story about how he got married with Suzanne. It was a divine appointment. And still very fresh in my memory, that story to me was an amazing true story-fairy tale. It was more beautiful than any romance fairy tale story I ever know. Hinn met with a senior pastor, and the pastor had a very beautiful young daughter. They met. God told him that she is "the one". And Hinn asked God, if she is the one, please made her tell him, that she would make a cake for him. And God gave him 'the SIGN'. And they lived happily ever after. It was a perfect story. Really.

Oh..for a young teenager melancholy boy, that piece of story is more than everything. I carried it to my university days, all the way till I grew up. Most of very renown pastors in Indonesia would cite this miraculous story too. I dreamed of this too. That one day good Lord will give me the sign, in a beautiful setting and background just like Hinn's.

I don't care when Ted Haggard had sex with a male prostitute and used drugs. I don't bother that Paul Cain drunk in real alcohol and he was really drunk. Not my concernt that Paula and Randy White got divorced. Just laughed when I heard at the big Bethel Sinode Assembly Meeting, the pastors were exchanging pyhsical fists and abusive words for the fight of the Chairman position. Or when many-many mega church pastors messed up church finances.

But Hinn's story with Suzanne is a true fairy tale I used to keep preciously. It was like a dream. God matchmade you and the princess, you are the chosen one, you are so special. I knew then, I would never get Hinn's status, the way he befriended with God and the way God made special ararangement for him for his soul mate. But that story kept inspiring me, it's like the piece of treasure you'd remember with smile.

All I see now it's like the movie 'UP'. The man found out that all his childhood dreams, his super-idol-role model, his dream hanging waterfall....all are vanity and meaningless.... Or perhaps like a boy who used to adore the Santa Claus, felt so happy when he saw his mom kissing Santa Claus, kept singing that 'I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus'...until he grew up to realise that his mom had an affair with that "bloody santa claus".

God did not give me the sign then. I mean, the sign as I wanted it to be. There may be many signs, but not as I wanted. Or if there were any, I did not accept it, I rejected it. I did not have the beautiful fairy tale background and setting like Hinn had. But, all I know that I love my wife. And I know that love is difficult and not an easy word and should not be taken for granted like a sign of star in the sky.

All I know that love is a verb and choice. I choose to love my wife not because of the sign of stardusts in the sky, or the flowers and butterflies formed a heart-shape dance..... I choose to love my wife, regardless of the setting and background.

All I ask from God is not the sign and the beautiful setting. May His love stays in my heart and enables me to keep loving my wife till the end.....

Wise Words from Elder

Trading appears deceptively easy. When a beginner wins, he feels brilliant and invincible. Then he takes wild risks and loses everything.

Money symbolizes freedom to many people, even though they often do not know what to do with their freedom

Many traders are loners who abandon the certainty of the present and take a leap into the unknown

The unstructured environment of the market makes it is easy to develop fantasies. A successful trader must identify his fantasies and get rid of them.

If their systems worked, why would they sell them?

The market is not your mother. It consists of tough men and women who look for ways to take money away from you instead of pouring milk into your mouth.

When I was growing up in the former Soviet Union, children were taught that Stalin was our great leader. Later we found out what a monster he had been, but while he was alive, most people enjoyed following the leader. He freed them from the need to think for themselves.

Emotional reactions are a luxury that you cannot afford in the markets.

People change when they join crowds. They become more credulous and impulsive, anxiously search for a leader, and react to emotions instead of using their intellect. An individual who becomes involved in a group becomes less capable of thinking for himself.

Markets do not care about your well-being. Successful traders are independent thinkers.

Our society glorifies freedom and free will, but we carry many primitive impulses beneath the thin veneer of civilization. We want to join groups for safety and be led by strong leaders. The greater the uncertainty, the stronger our wish to join and to follow.

Your human nature prepares you to give up your independence under stress

Vertical Limit, Up

Some of the movies that left some 'touch' in my heart are the above mentioned.

I watched Vertical Limit, when I was in my "presumably" lowest point. I said 'presumably' because that's what I felt at that time, and not necessarily right... I was distressed because I made a wrong decision of leaving my comfortable job and pay in a modern country and went back to start a business in my homeland. Lots of personal struggle too. Full of dilemma too because I felt that I was neither here nor there and I did not know what to do, felt nothing but fear. I was so fearful until I was paralyzed. Of course, again, it was just what I felt at that time.

Then I watched Vertical Limit, a story about 2 siblings, a man and woman, of a journey finding their adventure after the accidents when their father passed away. As a mountain climber, their father has sacrificed his life, to save the life of his children, by forcing his son to cut the robe, so that only the father would fell...and died.

The daughter grew up bitter and went all out for this extreme mount climbing, whilst the son grew up bitter and forsook that sport adventure. They were reunited in one event, and in that season, every human being showed their true color. The rich businessman who sponsor the event, if possible would kill everyone, to save himself. Some are willing to help for money. The brother went up in bid to save his sister.

One semi-insane weirdo appeared in the scene. And he repeated the scene of the sibling's father. He cut the robe himself, so again the scene was repeated, the two siblings was saved because of his sacrifice.

When I watched that I could really feel the thrill of life and death and all these were just defined in moments of seconds or minutes. Whatever problem and burden we have, after all will hit the ceiling of 'stop order' called death. And here it is, I watched people, playing with death. I mean I know it's just a movie, and most of movies just portrays the same game of fake death. I know, I know. But I felt that genuine things in that movie - and that weirdo is willing to give his life to save the life of the two youngsters.

I was reminded then, no matter how tough and humiliating my situation is, it is not near the situation at that snowy mountains.

...I will write about Up later...

What kind of church (2)

9. Serving

Church activities are always the center of the church's understanding of serving God, of doing good works, etc. So much so, that it is more important than mercy outside the wall of the churches. Remember the story of the good Samaritans? All the church workers that passed by the poor fellow, got more important things to do, which is their church ministry schedule, than helping that poor beaten up fellow. Some more it would involve some sacrifice of time and money, whereas if they went straight to the church, they would receive honor, respect and money...they will be hailed just like God's angel, bringing the message on God's behalf...but helping that unknown infamous stranger on the street....? Who would appreciate me? If that robbed fellow is Donald Trump...maybe...hmm...

I would teach that serving can be anywhere, not only within the church walls. I dream that my members won't judge the spirituality of others just because they are not active in the church. They may have an elderly person to take care, instead of the time to be involved in church activities. And oh, by the way, I hope members are not racing to serve in the "public display" ministry, becoming singers, worship leaders, musicians for the sake of adrenalin of being admired and adored by people. You think, this is American Church Idol??

I remember once, one of my close friend, who was criticized, rebuked, etc. because he failed to turn up on one of music practice session. Nobody asked and knew that on that moment his wife was bleeding. Hello..???

I know love has become a too cheap word now, but still I dream that there's real love among the members and out to the people.....

10. What kind of building do you want for your church?

This is the hot topic. The church building is often the symbol of the prosperity of that church and the Senior Pastor of that church.

I would say just be pragmatic and realistic. The building is just a place that we use for gathering. Anything that can be used for people to sit down for some hours comfortably will do. I understand the measure of "comfortable" can be relative. Yes, in Singapore city and in Tasikmalaya, a small town in Indonesia, might be different. After all the humidity level is also different. Church building is NOT the place where God dwells, it is just a place for us to sit down together. We are the House of God. Please, Paul has already made it clear to the Athens long long time ago. Don't sell God's name for our comfort, please.

But, please...I remember one pastor was trying to raise fund for buying new church building and kept on mentioning on how God is longing to have a house, as if he was some homeless guy on the street. As we were using hotel's boardroom to worship, he also emphasize that this is displeasing God, as the hotel might be contaminated with some drunk party atmosphere.

I would think just being pragmatic and practical. If my church in some villages, maybe can just use home churches, if in the city follow what is available in that city. Building just built for function. Of course, if there are some members who are artists and want to design the church artistically, as their form of service to God, you're welcome.

What kind of church..

I recently accidentally asked my friend in email, what kind of church - if he has a choice - he wants to build? A church filled with prosperity and miracles teaching, nice building, etc that easily grab 10,000 members - or a church just a few thousands, solid teaching, plus you got a brain cancer...?

By strange "coincidence" I now have families (and friends) of many pastors, from struggling-handful- members church to megachurch. Well, of course, I fully realized even if I start a church, that will surely join the crowd of imperfect -very imperfect - churches.

But, still my minds wondering and wandering....and if I can use my imagination, day dream, if you will....

1. The church will teach strongly on grace, grace and grace. Just like my lecturer in SBC once said, Grace is scandalous. Grace is unfair. I would think our lifetime and the whole mankind history cannot unravel the mystery of grace. That would lead to the implication of there's no double predestination, there's no chosen man or woman to be punished. At the same time, we still shall believe in the paradox, that we are all chosen by grace, and predestined before the world was even formed. Nothing we could do to afford his grace, and nothing we have done could make grace closes the door. And this will reject the teaching of 'we could lose our salvation' plus we have to keep the ticket to heaven by good works..

2. How about money and prosperity? How about Financial Freedom? How about success? Must we or must not we become rich, successful, influential, public figure, etc?

I would teach the church, that God cares for us so much. God loves us so much. I don't want to define what is "care" to each of individual, for everyone has special and unique and existential relationship with God, and so does God has unique, special, detail plan and thought for each of us. Only God knows. I will teach, that bring your cares to God, God may do miracles about your dollars. But not only that, about all personal struggles too, kids, spouses, families, earthquakes, etc.

For a businessman who has not been sleeping well over a one billion business trouble, God may open the door and pass him some billions of dollars. For a 'cabai' sellers on the street, God bless him with a few dollars for the day. Of course, he may do something 'fun' too by turning around a cabai seller to become a bank owner, that is his prerogative right.

But, Jesus is not about money!

The point is, success is defined as how much we are resembled to Christ. Our spirituality cannot be measured whether we are rich, successful in wordly terms, become a public figure, etc. If we are given that portion, then it would become our responsibilities to distribute it to those who are less well. If we are rich in money and we want to take the measure of Christ, dare we to follow His path, the path of giving and sacrifice?

I would also teach that the real financial freedom is found after Peter's example. He got the miracle of fishes, his net was full with fishes, but then he forsook all to follow Jesus. I think, Peter has really achieved the true financial freedom. He is a free man, man!

So, the focus is never on material achievement but on spiritual. I would not be interested in theological discussion of 'Was Jesus rich or poor when he was on the earth?'

3. I want the church to be inclusive. I imagine, that my church members would welcome a prostitute, poor widow, as much as they welcome a rich, religious and influential public figure. I dream that my members would not ever judge anyone, whether someone wears a short skirt, color the hairs, use tattoo, or if someone has backslided, etc.

I remember in a church leader meeting, we discussed about disciplining some members. And we were using the section on which Jesus taught us, to treat the "fallen brother/sister" as tax collectors. So the pastor and other leaders discussed the need to ex-communicate the persons. I was so naive, to raise my hand, and ask how come in my Bible I read it, that the way Jesus treated the tax collectors is, that Jesus ate and fellowship with them and not driving them away.

They looked at me as if I was insane. By the way, the member we were talking about discipline did not do some sort of murder or adultery, it just that she was busy doing other ministry outside the church and that she may have missed out some church meeting....

4. Cultural Mandate

I don't wish our member to judge. Culture is relative and a lot of bible text are contextual to the culture of that age. Yes, I would believe that we are not from the world, and there will some form of world culture that is not good, yet still we cannot judge the people.

It's good to use the latest music trend in youth service, if they like it. And we can have the 'soft&slow' music for the elderlies. You want rock music, rap, blues, jazz? Bring it on, man..for Christ all the glory!! But I don't want we go to the extreme side, that we are purposely making everything like the world, for the sake of filling in the seats and offering bags.

I remember once, when my youth was about to perform in the main service, he wanted to wear the 'trendy glasses and writs bands', and one of the pastor rebuked him. I was just speechless.

Yes, there are many things permissible but if that stumble others, let's not do it. It's just that it will take God's wisdom every minute to guide us what is best for us on that time.

5. Miracle and Healing

I will fully teach all these miracle teaching and ask for the fullest power of God to be released to the members and people. Yet I will not shy away of the difficult things to explain about, why are there people not healed, why are there sufferings and pains. I would still use CS Lewis teaching about pain and Angus' experience in "Faith Like Potatoes" and admit that we don't have all the answers. After all, it is not our task to 'answer' but just to display the glory of God. See also http://bit.ly/b3JoG4

6. Satan and Deliverance

I would free my members from the teaching about generational curse. I will strongly teach the members, that once we are freed by the Son, we are totally free. No curse, no demon possession. If Satan is still at work in some members, that's only the power of deceit. If that person knows that he is actually has already been fully paid, and he has all the authority to kick out the Satan, he shall be free!!!!! Oh, Hallelujah!! Do I believe in the deliverance ministry? Yes, but on the basis, that the Blood of Jesus has cleansed us once and for all!!!

7. Speaking in Tongue

Yes, that's the gift of God. But I will teach them that speak in tongue is just a beginning in speak in Spirit's language. When we are united with the Triune God, the Spirit is so dear and close to us, that makes our life just like His language. Our body movement, our tongue movement becomes the language and the fruit of the Spirit. When you think, the Spirit's mind fills your mind, that's to me is Speaking in Spirit's Language.

8. Tithing and Offering

I will reject the teaching that likes to sell God, like the Chinese Kitchen God. You think, we can bribe him? Tithing and Offering, refers to above points about Money, comes from our resemblance of Christ and that we have achieved financial freedom like Peter.

I will not scare the members with the cliche sermon..."give it to God, oh you cheapskate, you owe God, give it to the church....if not ....there will be army of grasshoppers coming like flood eating your harvests....and God will take away his fences of protection....." ('Cause, we need a bigger and prestigious church, and I need to buy a new BMW....). Well, in Indonesia we have a group of people who like to ask for protection money, they are called 'preman'. And if we don't give them, something will happen to our property. If you think that this is caused by them...well...you know.... so, please don't portray God just like another preman.

No..and no. There's no tithing. No point you do tithing, because you are scared of God and church, yet you abandon your parents and never give them allowance. You feel so righteous and religious because you give money to church's fund but you close eyes to your own parents?? Ho ho ho....

If you are really blessed and want to give 90%, be it, please do so, give to Him! ...it's between you and God...

...i will continue later