Scared

On the high steep escalator at Buona Vista, my son held my arm tightly

F: Are you scared?
S: Yes, I am
F: No you are not
S: Yes!
F: No!
S: Yes!
F: Why are you scared, I am holding you tightly.
S: Yes, but what if you fall too?

It's also a happening day to day, when I am the son with Heavenly Father

In the darkness

In the darkness, I will let myself fall into His good hands

If He does not catch I will be crushed

I know not what's coming neither do I even know what to ask

I do not know if I have enough faith, closing the eyes, I surrender

The Love will take care. How? I do knot know. 

The Yeast of the Pharisees and Herod

14The disciples had forgotten to bring bread, except for one loaf they had with them in the boat. 15“Be careful,” Jesus warned them. “Watch out for the yeast of the Pharisees and that of Herod.”

16They discussed this with one another and said, “It is because we have no bread.”

17Aware of their discussion, Jesus asked them: “Why are you talking about having no bread? Do you still not see or understand? Are your hearts hardened? 18Do you have eyes but fail to see, and ears but fail to hear? And don’t you remember? 19When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many basketfuls of pieces did you pick up?”

“Twelve,” they replied.

20“And when I broke the seven loaves for the four thousand, how many basketfuls of pieces did you pick up?”

They answered, “Seven.”

21He said to them, “Do you still not understand?”

This is one of the difficult passage. I guess, not easy to understand. How on earth, the yeast, bread and some chit-chat about left over can be simply summarised with, "Do you still not understand?"

No ! Of course, I don't understand.

That night as I read through my heart was filled with joy. As the passage is really talking about my situation. 

Jesus was talking about spiritual things. His disciples' mind is not there. They are more concerned, worried, interested, engaged, devoted on the real matter. The bread.

The food on the table. The bills to pay. The money we need to buy things in the world, be it for ourselves or even for ministry. The kids' education. The job security. Money, money and money. $$$$....

I remember years ago, at a night Bible class at Singapore Bible College. We were studying Thessalonian's letters. We discussed about rapture and eschatology. I remember I asked the question, 'What's the relevancy of all those for our lives? Rapture, end time, when it comes it will come. What matter now is how we are going to pay the house loan and those bills....'

Nobody was impressed with that question, and the lecturer brushed off the question.

I still ask that question today, and today I read Jesus told the disciples, "Did not you just have seen and experienced all the miracles (that I multiplied the bread to feed the 4 and 5 thousands) to show that I PROVIDE, I AM THE PROVIDER - that you even have the left overs! Hello....how many left overs did you have?? ...... Can you count, please? How many that one? And the other one?

......

.....

Do you still not understand?

Orang tua dan Persembahan

Malam itu saya hendak menyelesaikan urusan belanja bersama isteri saya, ke sebuah toko tidak terlalu jauh dari rumah. Kami menyetop taksi dan menemui seorang sopir yang sangat ramah, kelewat ramah malah, hehehe. Karena dengan PD-nya dia asyik mengobrol dan tanpa sungkan-sungkan bertanya-tanya dan mengomentari beberapa hal yang agak pribadi.

Terkadang untuk menghindari pertanyaan-nya itu, saya balik mewawancara beliau dan menanyakan hal-hal standard seperti umur, anaknya berapa, sudah punya cucu?

"Tebak saja berapa umur saya," katanya terkekeh.

"60 lebih," ujar saya, sengaja dimiringkan ke bawah sedikit.

"73! Saya sudah 73!" dengan tertawa-tawa dia berucap.

"Sudah punya cucu, dong?"

"Ya, ya sudah ada satu. Saya ada dua anak perempuan."

"Ya sudah enak-lah, ini kan cuma 'passing time' saja, kerja untuk hiburan saja, kan?" 

Hening seketika, lalu tiba-tiba atmosfer percakapan kita sedikit berubah. Dari udara cerah, tiba-tiba turun hujan lebat dari awan mendung.

"Saya bekerja untuk mencukupi diri sendiri. Saya punya anak laki-laki, dia jadi Kristen, terus kawin dan tidak pernah dia memberi saya satu sen pun!" Katanya keras, sambil mengacungkan satu jari. Suaranya marah bergetar.

*****

Malam itu kebetulan (atau bukan kebetulan), saya membaca dari Markus 7.

 7:6 Jawab-Nya kepada mereka: "Benarlah nubuat Yesaya tentang kamu, hai orang-orang munafik! Sebab ada tertulis: Bangsa ini memuliakan Aku dengan bibirnya, padahal hatinya jauh dari pada-Ku ¹ . 7:7Percuma mereka beribadah kepada-Ku, sedangkan ajaran yang mereka ajarkan ialah perintah manusia. ^k  7:8 Perintah Allah kamu abaikan untuk berpegang pada adat istiadat manusia ² . ^l " 7:9 Yesus berkata pula kepada mereka: "Sungguh pandai kamu mengesampingkan perintah Allah, supaya kamu dapat memelihara adat istiadatmu ^m  sendiri. 7:10 Karena Musa telah berkata: Hormatilah ayahmu dan ibumu! ⁿ  dan: Siapa yang mengutuki ayahnya atau ibunya harus mati. ^o  7:11Tetapi kamu berkata: ^p  Kalau seorang berkata kepada bapanya atau ibunya: Apa yang ada padaku, yang dapat digunakan untuk pemeliharaanmu, sudah digunakan untuk korban--yaitu persembahan kepada Allah--, 7:12 maka kamu tidak membiarkannya lagi berbuat sesuatupun untuk bapanya atau ibunya. 7:13 Dengan demikian firman Allah ^q  kamu nyatakan tidak berlaku demi adat istiadat ^r  yang kamu ikuti itu. Dan banyak hal lain seperti itu yang kamu lakukan." 

Saya teringat banyak cerita. Misalnya ada seorang anak perempuan yang tidak bersedia menampung ibunya. "Tidak ada waktu untuk mengurus mamah, soalnya saya sibuk pelayanan kunjungan ke rumah sakit..."

Atau banyak yang setia memberikan perpuluhan kepada gereja-gereja (yang sangat menekankan perpuluhan tapi tidak pernah mengajarkan soal orang tua), tetapi menelantarkan orang tua-nya.

Sekiranya kita hidup di bawah hukum, memang melaksanakan perintah atau aturan yang dikeluarkan gereja, rasanya lebih sreg. Ibaratnya kita berusaha untuk lulus ujian dan ini loh contoh jawaban yang memang dikeluarkan dan diberkati oleh gereja. Ngasih persembahan. Bikin gereja lebih gede lagi sesuai ambisi pendetanya. Kayanya itu syarat-syarat supaya kita lulus ujian dan naik kelas.

Tapi, kalau kita memang mau di bawah hukum, maka kita wajib memenuhi SEMUA hukum Taurat dengan sempurna. Yang satu harus dilakukan, yang lain jangan diabaikan.

Tidak sanggup? 

Makanya kita cuma bisa berpaling kepada kasih karunia dan belas kasihan Illahi. Pada saat kita membebaskan diri dari tuntutan hukum itu, maka kita memberikan hati dan pikiran dan nalar kita dipimpin oleh Roh Kudus. Dia membukakan rahasia sejati dari Firman Allah dan apa yang Dia maksud. Hal-hal yang sederhana seperti yang Yesus bilang, mosok bisa pamer kasih persembahan ke gereja tetapi orang tua ditelantarkan..... - di bawah "hukum" kasih karunia, tiba-tiba menjadi alami dan jelas ..... apa yang sebetulnya murni dan berarti.

God help us to live under your grace so Your Spirit shall lead our every step.

Worry

Tell me again, man.

Are you as carefree as me? Are you worry-free like me?
For me, because I know The Father takes care of me.

The tranquility

The answer to your restlessness and struggle is not:

- a better job with better pay with better boss with better company

or

- a grand business or super investment that will give you grand passive income

or

- a goverment system that guarantee job security and social support

It lies in the faith of and to God. The world will always be stormy and no secure place on earth to stand firm for us. 

Only in God is the constant place of peace regardless of external situation. 

You just have to believe. 

(Mark 5, 6; Phil 4)

The sign

Is this the sign I saw in vision 9 years ago?

I prayed. Then I saw this. Rainbow. 

I looked for the sign again but it's raining so I could not continue, instead I found this. 

In the next morning I saw the grass flower. It's negelcted by everyone by God took great care to dress them. 

In the evening I went back to the castle and took again the vision

Kidung Cinta Musim Semi

Kala cinta tiba dan menyapa,
Lihat! Dia melompat riang memasuki gerbang
menerobos pegunungan, melompati seribu bukit
Kekuatannya melebihi sang bumi yang mengikat dasar gunung
Lihat! Cinta tiba dihantar oleh Sang Empunya cinta

Kala cinta datang menyambut,
Lihat! Dia lebih manis dari curahan anggur yang terbaik
Senyumnya memancar lebih dari seribu lilin
Bukankah cinta lebih terang dari mentari?
Lihat! Sang Empunya terang menghadapkan wajahNya

O, datanglah cinta, sambutlah dia
Musim dingin yang sepi sudah berlalu
Bunga-bunga musim semi menari di padang
Seluruh dunia bernyanyi dalam paduan suara
Biarkan cinta memancarkan wajahnya
Biarkan cinta menyanyikan lagunya

Merdunya cinta menyertai manisnya hari-hari bersama
Eloknya cinta membawa damai dan sukacita
Di atasnya, Dia yang menganugerahkan segala kasih, tersenyum
Dialah yang mengikat cinta dan memberkatinya
Karena Sang Pencipta sendiri adalah Cinta Kasih.

*** untuk Stefi dan Hendri. God is Love.

==========
Inspirasi dari Song of Solomon 2 - The Message:

Look! Listen! There’s my lover!
    Do you see him coming?
Vaulting the mountains,
    leaping the hills.
My lover is like a gazelle, graceful;
    like a young stag, virile.
Look at him there, on tiptoe at the gate,
    all ears, all eyes—ready!
My lover has arrived
    and he’s speaking to me!

 Get up, my dear friend,
    fair and beautiful lover—come to me!
Look around you: Winter is over;
    the winter rains are over, gone!
Spring flowers are in blossom all over.
    The whole world’s a choir—and singing!
Spring warblers are filling the forest
    with sweet arpeggios.
Lilacs are exuberantly purple and perfumed,
    and cherry trees fragrant with blossoms.
Oh, get up, dear friend,
    my fair and beautiful lover—come to me!
Come, my shy and modest dove—
    leave your seclusion, come out in the open.
Let me see your face,
    let me hear your voice.
For your voice is soothing
    and your face is ravishing.

Age is passing

Do not round around the same mountain again and again, remember the age is passing. Do not labor to climb the ladder just to find out once you are on top of it, that the ladder is at the wrong house. (JP, 14 June 2015)

Exam

I have just passed my EMC Cloud exam and I told my wife. If I failed the exam my sadness level would go to -70 but as I pass the exam the happiness is only +10.

I wonder sometimes why do I need to take all these certs?

After that I took my last MALC ITIL exam to achieve the ITIL Expert. I passed. There was a sense of thrill. I waited for 5 years to patiently collect all the ITIL credits and now finally .....

Then a sense of emptiness creeps in. What are all these for?

Uang, nyawa dan BPJS

#True Story, Kisah Nyata di sebuah RS di Lippo Karawaci

Wajahnya tegas. Terlihat dingin tanpa emosi. Mungkin seperti sedikit kesal. Dokter wanita muda di depanku, memanggil kami.

Aku tergopoh-gopoh berlari menghampiri beliau seperti murid hendak disetrap kepala sekolah.

"Pak, begini ya saya bukan mau ngusir, tapi ruang ICU-nya penuh. Bapak kan tahu, kondisi pasien ini parah setelah operasi harus langsung masuk ICU dan kalau sudah masuk ICU, tidak ada yang tahu berapa lama akan di sana."

Aku tergagap. Bingung. Tercekat.

"Saya kan sudah bilang dari tadi apa adanya, kondisinya parah. Kalau pun dioperasi jalannya tidak mudah. Mendingan Bapak sekarang buru2 cari RS lain yang ada tempat ICU. Bapak tahu ICU kan? Bapak lihat seperti yang di film2 itu loh. Mumpung sekarang masih subuh, belum macet, cepetan Bapak cari RS BPJS yang lain. Bapak tidak bisa menunggu di sini.."

Satu detik seperti satu abad.

"Kalau ke gedung sebelah yang bukan BPJS ada tempat ndak, Bu?"

Mukanya berubah sedikit. Antara kesal dan heran.

"Pak di sana Bapak mesti bayar. Bisa puluhan juta. Per harinya di ICU sana, 15 juta, dan bisa sehari dua hari, seminggu dua minggu, saya tidak tahu....." Kalimatnya berhenti di situ, tetapi air wajahnya melanjutkan, " Elo bisa bayar kagak??"

"Tolong Bu, dicarikan ada tidak ruang ICU di sana?" Aku memohon dengan air mata bercucuran membasahi pipi seorang pria.

30 menit kemudian, seseorang yang saya kenal membantu menelpon kenalannya yang kebetulan duduk sebagai Direksi RS tersebut.

30 menit berikutnya, petugas rumah sakit-nya memberitahukan bahwa tiba-tiba ruang ICU-nya jadi tersedia di situ, tanpa harus pindah ke mana-mana.

Uang, nyawa dan BPJS. Tiga hal yang berlainan, kadang bersinggungan.

Satu malam

Satu malam dini hari

Di depan ruang gawat darurat

Duduk di luar semilir dingin angin

Bersama bau got menyengat dan seekor tikus mengendap juga nyamuk-nyamuk bernyanyi

Wajah-wajah lelah penuh kuatir menemani

Sebagian tidur lelap di bangku halaman

Angin dingin menusuk karena terburu- buru aku lupa bawa jaket

Ah hidup... Di dalamnya ada tawa dan bahagia, juga sakit dan pedih 

Water and ash

Then a man who is ceremonially clean is to take some hyssop, dip it in the water and sprinkle the tent and all the furnishings and the people who were there. He must also sprinkle anyone who has touched a human bone or a grave or anyone who has been killed or anyone who has died a natural death. (Numbers 19:18)

Being well

God wants you to be well more than you want you to be well

17 May -JP

Movie Reviews

I have noticed that most of the times I will always like the movie that has bad reviews from movie critics or even that failed box office. Then some movies that got many stars like 4, I really wanted to puke inside the cinema. Really, this is not hyperbolic.

Ok, let's see some movies that I like very much even though they failed in the market

1. Strange Magic
It's the masterpiece from the maestro George Lucas. I like the plot, because it gives us the courage to always see things differently and dare to decide what you think and your heart decide is right. Love is found in strange place, and by itself is a strange magic.

2. Jupiter Ascending
The plot started with a boring mundane terrible life and it ended with the same mundane life of cleaning toilet, but it's no longer terrible. Reminds me that we can live like a royal, act and behave like one, no matter our circumstances are.

3. Shaun the Sheep
Someone wants to escape from the mundane life, and finally ends up the same, but with different perspective. Sometimes what we are yearning and looking for in life is just right behind our yard.

A Special Day

It's camy's birthday today :)

I feel good today. I was going to a customer for a meeting this morning. I arrived very early so I decided to look for a coffee shop. I asked the security guard, where the coffee shop is. 

I called him 'uncle' - which is an informal friendly calling. 

To my dismay, he looked at me rudely and arrogantly he replied back 'there is no uncle working here, dont call me uncle!'

Straight away my blood shot up and the anger raging inside. 

I was so pissed off. Who does he think he is?

Somehow, something overcame my flesh. I tried to remember that I am a royal descent. So I called him, 'Sir!'

I hugged him ( or semi-hug, just putting my arm around his shoulder) and apologise. I saw him smile wildly and he nodded his head with respect. 

'Don't get offended. I don't mean to offend you. I just meant to be friendly' i tried to explain. 

'Uncle is not friendly' he still insisted but his tone has changed softer. 

I still felt the anger within me with his stubborness. But I pressed on and gave in to him. 

So I walked to coffee shop still feel humiliated and a bit of anger. Even when I saw him again and I smiled and he smiled back. The residual anger was still there. 

After some hours. All the anger was gone and finally I looked back and I was so happy that God helped me! Thank God, I did not retaliate back. 

Thank God, I decided to act like His child. 

As I remembered his open smile, it was like an angel's smile. Maybe it's a test. 

As I wrote this, I was tempted to think, would he still be rude to me if I drove in on Mercedes?

Then I tell myself, I have Jesus. I do not need to be bother of what people think of me.

Were You?

Dear Jesus,

When you were on earth, were you feeling worries?
Anxieties?
Worry how to retire?

What on earth were you thinking?

Were you stress over customer complaint of your wooden craft?

Simply, Ordinary Life

Simple life. No luxury but simple moments. In the morning I brought my family to watch movie in the neighborhood cinema. Then another ordinary evening to do groceries. Walking under the shadow of the trees, smelling the breeze of the wind. The kids walked slowly and playfully.

One day I would fully understand how great that moment was. If I were to come back from future, these were the moments I would pick to go back. 

God's blessings are strange and found in the small little things too. Often. 

In the evening, I walked to a nearby hawker center to share a plate of kway chap with my wife. We walked slowly holding hands as if we were dancing. We chatted from a to z along the way. 

At night, I brought the kids to the bed, prayed for them for the things they shared and worried about. The youngest one slept on my hand clinging onto my arm. I looked at his face as he fell asleep and I could feel his heartbeat on my hand. I saw peace in his sleep, and it beamed into my soul. 

I do not have a million in the bank, nor do I have a portfolio of properties. I only have one job and no business. I have worries and sometimes stress. 

I do not live extraordinary life and noone follows or admires me. Most of the dream I had did not come to pass the way I pictured it on my youth's days. I have things in my mind that I wish I could have to make my life easier. 

I do not achieve anything much or great today. Or I mean, in my life too, that deserves to be proud of. There was a sense of vanity and waste creeped into my mind trying to break into my fortress of peace. 

Then as I looked back the day, I saw love, perfect love, from an extraordinary God woven into my ordinary day, today. I saw His hands. I did. 

I saw Him on those moments today. I saw it that I could not recognised His presence, but really He was there. His thoughts are not mine and way higher than mine. I saw His love is a mystery, like the gems hidden under the sands, slipping into ordinary days for an ordinary man like me. 

As I looked back at my day today, I saw Him smiling at me the whole day. He felt all my worries and anxieties and I also saw how much He wanted to tell me, how long, how deep, how wide His love is to me. But I did not know. 

I saw Him holding the time and the eternity and that He knows the secret of what is worthy to hold, to chase, and to cherish, under the sun.  

In this ordinary life, there is nothing more extraordinary than to know who He really is and how He loves us. 

Singapore's online toy shop

The new Singapore's online toy shop at http://www.4littleboyz.com/.

Low Price. Branded Toys. Happy Kids, Happy Parents.

Birthdays

3 BD at Astra, 1 BD at NUS, 1 BD at AlpanMatrix, 1 BD at ewServer, 2 BD at ST, 1 BD at Computrain, 6 BD at Gtn, 2 BD at DD, 1 BD at Ava, 2 BD at At. 

Oh too colorful ...

Give me Jesus

Give me Jesus @ work desk

Strange Magic

Yay!!! It's a good movie. The songs, the plots, the voices are so wonderful

I cant help falling in love with the movie when it just started - when I saw and listened to the beautiful rendition of 'Cant help falling in love', the moment the movie opened. 

The song straight away brought me to the memory of 25 years ago when I for the first time wandered leaving my home town for my study at Semarang. 

I was stressed, as I remember. I was bald as all the newbies had to cut our hair. I was really feeling like stranger. The dialect accent was strange for me and I could not speak Javanese. I was homesick. I had the feeling people hated me for no reason because I am Chinese. I was worried of the 'orientation' period where the seniors would put us into tribulation and a mini nazi camp. I stayed at temporary boarding house and needed to find a place to stay. The city is much bigger and crowded than my home town. I was not used to travel long distance for daily commute. The weather is too hot compared to my home town. 

I really felt like a refugee in Babylon. 

As I looked back. How I regret that I harbored those feelings. Why worry of the orientation? It could not be that bad like a torture right? I should have taken it lightly. Some people whom I thought anti Chinese becomes good friends now. Why bother about room rental? Anywhere got a bed and roof was happiness. Can't speak Javanese? I ended up picking it up quite fast actually. Had I taken things lightly then, it would have been more wonderful moments. 

So - what is it with all the problems I have in office now? One day I would look back and regret - why I did not take it lightly then ... Ha....! 😝 

Give me Jesus

Recently, I have been listening to this song, Give me, Jesus, that my wife told me. The version I recommend is from Fernando Ortega. I bought it from iTunes. 

Nice song. Very simple. But deep and weighty.

The song is an old hymn song from the Negro Spiritual. So it was written and sung by the slaves.

I try to imagine, how could you arise in the morning and say 'Give me Jesus' when you were a slave ? In view of that, the sufferings I have from my job and the stress on Monday morning, is really pale in comparison.

I am wondering, how could the African American became Christian? The religion of their masters who enslaved and took their lives.

So in their lives and even after many generations they still sang the song. There was no panacea nor solutions for them. All they have was Jesus and they told their masters, you can have all this world. And for them they had Jesus and still their slavery even until many generations.

Can we sing on our days, whatever happens, the same song?