Give me Jesus

Give me Jesus @ work desk

Strange Magic

Yay!!! It's a good movie. The songs, the plots, the voices are so wonderful

I cant help falling in love with the movie when it just started - when I saw and listened to the beautiful rendition of 'Cant help falling in love', the moment the movie opened. 

The song straight away brought me to the memory of 25 years ago when I for the first time wandered leaving my home town for my study at Semarang. 

I was stressed, as I remember. I was bald as all the newbies had to cut our hair. I was really feeling like stranger. The dialect accent was strange for me and I could not speak Javanese. I was homesick. I had the feeling people hated me for no reason because I am Chinese. I was worried of the 'orientation' period where the seniors would put us into tribulation and a mini nazi camp. I stayed at temporary boarding house and needed to find a place to stay. The city is much bigger and crowded than my home town. I was not used to travel long distance for daily commute. The weather is too hot compared to my home town. 

I really felt like a refugee in Babylon. 

As I looked back. How I regret that I harbored those feelings. Why worry of the orientation? It could not be that bad like a torture right? I should have taken it lightly. Some people whom I thought anti Chinese becomes good friends now. Why bother about room rental? Anywhere got a bed and roof was happiness. Can't speak Javanese? I ended up picking it up quite fast actually. Had I taken things lightly then, it would have been more wonderful moments. 

So - what is it with all the problems I have in office now? One day I would look back and regret - why I did not take it lightly then ... Ha....! 😝 

Give me Jesus

Recently, I have been listening to this song, Give me, Jesus, that my wife told me. The version I recommend is from Fernando Ortega. I bought it from iTunes. 

Nice song. Very simple. But deep and weighty.

The song is an old hymn song from the Negro Spiritual. So it was written and sung by the slaves.

I try to imagine, how could you arise in the morning and say 'Give me Jesus' when you were a slave ? In view of that, the sufferings I have from my job and the stress on Monday morning, is really pale in comparison.

I am wondering, how could the African American became Christian? The religion of their masters who enslaved and took their lives.

So in their lives and even after many generations they still sang the song. There was no panacea nor solutions for them. All they have was Jesus and they told their masters, you can have all this world. And for them they had Jesus and still their slavery even until many generations.

Can we sing on our days, whatever happens, the same song?

As time passes by

6 Christmases at Gtn, 2 at DD, 1 at Av, and now 2 at At. 

Managing thru excitement and many unhappiness and sore. 

Most colored by anxiety. 

Why could not we truly believe that there is a pillar of cloud and pillar of fire?

Find my promised land, I hope. The land to live for and to die for. 

~Batavia

The book of Benjamin

My son Benjamin is still upset that there is no first and second Benjamin book, unlike 1-2 Samuel Books for his brother. 

Pretending Faith

So today someone shot (backstab) me. What should I do? Revenge?

I asked Jesus.

What would I do if I am in the state of full trust in Him? That He loves me. That he takes care of me. That he will guarantee my provision.

Why should I be worry of what others think of me if anyway He who provides me owns all the mountains, sea and cattles?

So my perspective changed, even as I 'pretend' to believe

Oh Jesus, I believe in You. Help my unbelief!

The Handle of Life

I have just met a friend, someone I have been knowing for 18 years. He happens to drop by to my city so we catch up. 

We were at the top of one of the stars hotel at Marina Bay and enjoying our chit chat. 

Time ticked and night crawled and we were about to part, when he shared of his life philosophy. 

We, the matter/body we have, is just a form of energy thus energy can be transformed and not destroyed when we die, he said. We are just a small dust in the universe. Through  meditation we can attain peace and free from attachment, he continued. 

I presented him with a realistic case. Say, you are out of job and no money. Your son is sick and you cannot send him to hospital, what would you feel? Hence don't you have to worry on daily affairs of money and have good secured job?  As I predicted,  his calm answer is that our son is not really our son. 

Yes, because in the energy concept in the universe all are just flying dust and we have no attachment.

I explained to him the concept of Christianity in 'his language'; that if we are the energy aka spirit, we are longing to be united with the Source of Spirit the God. And only God can reach us and not we try otherwise. 

That's the problem with Christianity, he said. It's just about get saved, reborn and nothing changed in your life. You do not have the tools to attain peace and mind control, he said, unlike meditation. 

I feel like deja vu. Actually we had something like this conversation 18 years ago. I remember he shared to me that from the TVRI's mimbar agama, the pastors looked like restless but the others are calm and composed. 

The fact now is that he looks much calmer than I am and more peaceful. As he said, if you know you are just energy in the universe you will be from worry. He still believes the existence of God who would also predestined all, though. 

As for me I have spent the first hours sharing my work stress and the worry of city life and money. 

I feel like deja vu. 

I tried to explain that rightfully if one believe in Christ, his mind will be changed and he will attain peace too. But I could not go further as I have no peace to display. 

I conclude that to handle life there are 3 or 4 ways. 

One is if you think the futility of life and the vanity in it and you will feel life is light and just laughter. There is no real pain but illusion and we are just form of energy. Your son is not really yours, he is just energy related to you. Not attached. 

Second, if we think there is something to chase, to achieve and to overcome in life and lucky enough, your last name is Riady, for example, so you can make things happen. 

Third, we think like the second one but our resources are very limited and our strength is weak - we will end up neither here nor there. Life is a constant worry and dissapointment. 

Fourth, we think there is something in life, and meaning and purpose and it's real. And we believe wholeheartedly in perfect faith that the God will take care of us like He does to the sparrows and the lilies - in that perfect faith you will surely be freed of worry. This is also on the basis that such God exists and He will not make the smallest mistake else the faith will be abused. 

So either go extreme left or right. Woe to you if you are in the middle. 

Wake up call

I bought chicken rice today for my dinner, as my wife is away.
The auntie, looked at me as I queued, "Yes, uncle?" she asked...

Ouch.

Time flies. Finally someone "older" than me called me uncle.

What have I done in my short life?

The Treasure

Last night right after I made love to my wife, I suddenly thought of a novel by Coelho, the Alchemy. 

In that story a young man had a dream that he would find great treasure in a far far away place. Fast forward, he traveled with all adversities to the place he was told in the dream. Towards the end of the story he was robbed and beaten up by a gang of thug. One of them laughed about his dream of seeing a treasure in a far far away place, which is the young man's home. 

In short, the young man went back and found the treasure in his hometown. 

Morale of the story - do we ever know where our treasure is? 

And as I ponder, is it gold and property? Money and bank account? To own many successful businesses?  I think the one near to me is my family. The family I always have is indeed my treasure. 

The Search of men

Setelah mencapai usia 40 tahun, kadang-kadang dalam kelelahan terpikir juga orang itu hidup untuk apa ya? Layangkan pandangan ke luar jendela, dari kota metropolis, ribuan jutaan orang bergerak cepat tergesa. Seperti gelisah. Sebagian tercecer, sebagian bersinar di balik jas ribuan dollar di atas mobil mewah. Untuk apa? Seperti semut mereka bergerak dengan cepat dan pasti. 

Aku pikir susah payahnya orang di kolong langit sepertinya karena dua hal. Untuk menghindari kepedihan dan untuk mengejar kesenangan atau kenyamanan. Dua-duanya baik dari sisi fisik atau non fisik. Paling tidak sistem dunia ini mendesain seperti demikian.

Kebanyakan orang menterjemahkannya dengan satu atau dua solusi. Uang dan kekuasaan. Dengan uang, kita dapat menghindari kepedihan dan kesakitan fisik. Lapar? Kalau punya uang makan apapun bisa. Kedinginan, kehujanan. Uang membelikan pakaian dan rumah, juga dengan air panas otomatis. ( Saya teringat nasehat seorang konglomerat dulu - waktu dia kecil kalau mau mandi air panas mesti masak air dulu, makanya dia ngga mau miskin lagi karena repot mesti masak air :) ). Uang juga menghindari kepedihan non fisik, yaitu penghinaan. Bahkan sesungguhnya banyak orang kaya yang takut miskin bukan karena takut penderitaan fisik, misalkan mesti ngirit makan, tetapi karena tidak mau dihina. Siapa yang akan menghina kamu kalau kamu naik jaguar dan tinggal di istana gading? Uang juga dipersepsikan bisa menghindari sakit - bisa bayar dokter dan rumah sakit yang termahal - apalagi karena dokter juga butuh uang.

Selain kepedihan, kesenangan dan kenyamanan adalah pendorong orang untuk bekerja keras. Kesenangan makan makanan yang enak, minum yang aneh-aneh, rumah yang nyaman, pelayan, mobil - semua memuaskan secara fisik. Dengan uang, bisa meningkatkan kesehatan, beli semua makanan organik, supplemen kesehatan, dokter pribadi, dan semua alat canggih lainnya. Sejak jaman dulu para raja juga koleksi dari cula badak, sampai kemaluan binatang katanya untuk meningkatkan kesehatan. Uang juga bisa membeli kesenangan fisik untuk memuaskan nafsu manusia. Uang juga memberikan kepuasan non fisik. Penghargaan, kehormatan - wow! Kalau punya uang, PR bisa disewa untuk bikin pencitraan. Pergi ke ujung dunia yang paling eksotik? Mengencani aktris cantik? Semua mungkin karena uang, kan?

Jadi demikian, sederhananya basic instinct manusia. Hindari kepedihan, kejar kenikmatan. Hidup pun jadi berarti, demikian kata sistem yang berjalan sekarang.

Bagaimana kalau ada sistem yang lain? Bahwa manusia hidup karena memiliki suatu makna. Dan tujuan kita hidup itu untuk menemukan makna itu. Dalam pencarian makna itu, hal-hal seperti cinta, Pencipta, sukacita menjadi sesuatu yang lebih bermakna daripada sekedar menghindari kepedihan dan mengejar kenikmatan. 

Pada akhirnya, aku tidak tahu mengapa mesti ada kepedihan dan kenikmatan dan siapa yang menciptakan sistem seperti itu.

Tetapi berhenti sebentar, dan berpikir hidup ini untuk apa dan bermakna apa, menanyakan pada diri sendiri - takutkah kita akan kesakitan fisik dan penghinaan? Benarkah jiwa kita haus akan kehormatan dan kenikmatan duniawi?

Magical world

For a child, the word 'impossible' does not exist in their vocabulary. 

The wooden toys are alive, the ugly beast becomes a prince. 

Same for us, if only we can believe. 

Same for the blind man who could see that the passing man was not a mere Jesus of Nazareth, but Jesus the Son of David. He saw more than eyes could see.  His faith has made him well. 

Same for us, if we can believe and we will see the magical Kingdom here. 

(Inspired by Ray Bevan  - 2014). 

The key of living

One can only live a meaningful life and withstand all sufferings when he fully knows and comprehends that his Creator, the greatest being, loves him very much unconditionally, specially and uniquely and individually and has special purpose for him during his life on earth. 

Fearless in Divergent

I just watched Divergent and as usual there are some insights I can pick from movie. 

In the movie there was a scene where Tris had to pass a simulation test how to overcome his fear. If she were a dauntless she would need to confront the object of her fears. But because she was a divergent she was able to recognise that it was not real and instead of fight against the object of fear she simply shrugg them off. 

I used to have a lot of nightmare too, but after a while I could recognise it was a dream and tried to control the dream or tried to wake up. Not all the times though. 

Same thing in life. There are 2 ways to overcome fear. You could fight the object of fear. Brace your selves. Brave yourselves. Make up your mind. Hardened your heart. Take heart, be strong, be courageus, take bravery. Fight your fears. 

Another way is to take control of your mind and step into the real reality that none of your fear is real. None of it? What?? You may ask, gotta be kidding! The situation is real!

If you step into God's reality and His perfect love and you completely trust Him - there shall be no fear. You will find that the object of fears in life are not real because Someone has already overcome it. 

It's faith. Some would call it insane too. 

And today I just read a fearful news that average people may not have enough to survive in their retirement ages in Singapore, one of the most wealthiest country. 

Fear, fear not? 

Brave yourself? 

Trust Him?

Once upon on Saturday

Today I managed to paint the wall that was previously decorated by Ben. First time and not bad :)

And talking about Ben - today he prayed for a taxi when we were waiting in the bus stop. Miraculously, a taxi straight away appeared as soon as he finished the prayer. But-but-but someone ahead of us stopped the taxi first. Ben protested and shouted, 'Hey, I pray first...!'

I had dinner with family at a food court. There was a seller selling some stuffs like key chain etc approached us. He carried a paper showing his 'license' (or perhaps business registration) and a photo of little girl. He had moved from one table to another and seemed no success. I was prepared to say no as well - or in fact I did. But I caught him saying something in broken English about taking care of his grandmother. 

So, I looked at him. About 40+. Face described his years of hard life. He is local. Arms full of tattoo. Whether he cheated or lied or was honest - I don't know. But I know $10 is not gonna hurt me. 

I bought a touch pen. 

'Do you know how much in the shop?' He asked.

 I shook my head.

 'Twelve dollar,' he said.

 'Anyway I just want to help you.' I said.

 I looked at him and curiously asked him, 'Is it difficult?' 

He was a bit surprised of my questions. And he started pouring out his struggle. I couldn't really capture, but the story flows, he has to take care his grandparent and parents and his 1 year old girl and his wife left him...the conversation stop as 2 girls 'shoo-shoo' him as they need to walk through.

I saw him hopping around the tables. Mostly no success. I regretted, I should have bought more. 

Life is hard. 

I took a cab. The taxi driver politely asked me to show the way as he is new. So naturally I chatted with him on his life story. He said he just started 2 weeks after 5 years working in Thailand. Car is expensive, he said. So he took taxi because he needs the car to take care of his grandma once a week. That makes him difficult to work normal job as well, as he said, nobody wants to employ if he must take leave once a week. He told me he needs to drive about 10 hours to be break even. 

Life is hard, again.

I admire the two men I met. They are filial. It's just that the system makes their life difficult. 

I hope prayer can resolve difficulties and suffering. I do hope. 

Kingdom

Kingdom is about control. The authority is with the King. That means the King has control over his territory. To look upon the  Kingdom of God is to see that He has the control over everything happens in our life. If we trust the King cares for us and He is sovereign in His Kingdom that means we shall care for nothing!

Kingdom means we live and act princely as we are. Just like Jesus, albeit he was born into poor family in Betlehem, all his acts are royal 

About Time and Logotherapy

One of most profound quote from Victor Frankl is this: "Live as if you were living a second time, and as though you had acted wrongly the first time."

It is beautifully described in the movie "About Time" in this monolog:

1. Tim Lake: We're all traveling through time, together, everyday of our lives... All we can do is do our best to relish this remarkable life.
2. 
   
3. The truth is, I now don't travel back at all, not even for a day. I just try to live everyday as if I have deliberately come back to this one day, to enjoy it... As if it was the full, final day of my extraordinary, ordinary life.

Actually I had Frankl's book for long time, but I can only appreciate when I watch the movie....

Our paradigm defines our meaning of life. The faith and the life itself.

Time Travel

What if you could travel back in time? How would you relive the moment you had in the past?

It would be a very very complicated life. And interesting one.

I suddenly now see the book of Revelation in different light. God is immortal because he is not inside or under time. He is outside time, he is eternal.

This is the big secret, the moment we become His child and born again, we are born again into eternity and become immortal too! We actually have already been outside the time, while still spending the rest of our mortal life inside the time.

Then what is the book of Revelation for?

The book of revelation is a picture, oh a victorious one, about us, in future! Yes, it's in the picture. 

So, it is as if, the life we live now is we come back from the future.

What do we have in future? What do we have in the book of Revelation? Who do we live with in that future? What happen to us in that future?

Imagine if you have (perfect tense here) lived in that kind of future, and you travel back in time to today, how would you live your life?

What would you want for your life today, with that knowledge from future?
How would you want to re-live your today? What would matter to you?

It's gonna be interesting :)

PS: Inspired by "About Time" 

Dedicated to my wife - I love you so much, you are my best moment in life, my most treasure, the reason I am happy to re-live my moments... 
Happy Valentine, Love!

Written from Hong Kong

Eksposisi "One Day More - Les Misérables" - Part I

Dari seluruh rangkaian film-musik Les Miserables, babak lagu ‘One Day More’ ini adalah salah satu yang paling berkesan.

Satu hari lagi. Apakah artinya bagi manusia? Apakah yang esok akan bawa? Babak ‘one day more’ ini mengisahkan pergulatan tiap sosok anak manusia melihat hari esok. Kuatir. Gelisah. Harapan. Takut. Mimpi.

Inilah juga salah satu kekuatan keindahan novel karya Victor Hugo ini, rangkaian cerita yang beralur banyak. Kaya akan kisah hidup manusia dengan masing-masing pergumulan mereka.

VALJEAN

One day more! (Satu hari lagi)

Another day, another destiny.(Hari lain, nasib lain)

This never-ending road to Calvary; (Jalan tak berujung ke Kalvari)

These men who seem to know my crime (Orang-orang ini seperti mengetahui kesalahanku)

Will surely come a second time. (Tentu akan datang lagi)

One day more! (Satu hari lagi)

Satu hari lagi. Bagi Jean Valjean, esok adalah ketidakpastian, setelah sepanjang hidupnya dia ditindas, dikejar-kejar oleh ‘hukum’.

Jean Valjean dipenjara selama 19 tahun karena mencuri sepotong roti. Sekerat roti saja, yang dia curi untuk menyelamatkan nyawa keponakannya yang kelaparan. Setelah dia menyelesaikan masa 19 tahunnya, dia masih harus melapor setiap tahun sampai akhir hayatnya dan membawa stigma surat sebagai narapidana. Sebuah belenggu yang sama saja membunuhnya pelan-pelan.

Apa yang salah? Bukankah hukum memang seperti itu?

Mata ganti mata.. dan hati menjadi batu – demikian lirik lagu yang Valjean nyanyikan.

Valjean berubah karena bertemu dengan seorang bishop di sebuah kapel sederhana. Setelah diusir di mana-mana, sang bishop tua mengajaknya masuk, memberinya makan, dan memberinya tempat tidur. Dini hari, dia mencuri perangkat makan perak dan melarikan diri. Polisi menangkap dan menyeretnya ke hadapan sang bishop. Di luar dugaannya, sang bishop malah menegurnya, “Mengapa kamu pergi terburu-buru sampai kelupaan membawa tempat lilin dari perak ini? Bukankah sudah kukatakan bawa juga ini, sudah lama benda ini diam di sini tak berguna, tentunya lebih berguna di tanganmu.”

Bukankah berbohong itu dosa? Secara hukum agama maupun secara hukum negara, andaikan sang polisi tahu, tentu saja dia akan terjerat masalah.

Sang bishop memberkatinya dan berpesan agar perangkat perak ini dia gunakan untuk berbuat jujur dan bahwa dia telah mempersembahkan Valjean bagi Allah.

Selama hidup, tidak pernah saya bertemu dengan pendeta, pastor, rohaniwan Kristiani yang mau berbuat seperti itu. Maukah seorang pendeta yang mapan, menerima seorang buronan, memberinya makan dan tumpangan? Kemudian ketika keesokan harinya, dia menemukan orang yang ditolongnya tertangkap basah dengan barang berharga yang dicuri dari rumahnya, bukan hanya dia mengampuni, bahkan menambahkan dengan barang berharga terbaiknya dan memberkatinya? Akankah ada orang yang mau mengambil resiko dengan membohongi polisi, untuk seorang manusia yang tidak dikenalnya sama sekali?

Saya tidak pernah bertemu seumur hidup saya dengan rohaniwan seperti itu.

Saya sendiri tidak mampu berbuat seperti itu. Mudah-mudahan suatu saat saya bisa menemukan manusia seperti itu.

Inspektur Javert adalah kebalikan dari sang bishop. Dia percaya bahwa tugasnya untuk menegakkan hukum adalah tugas Illahi. Hukum adalah hukum. Orang yang bersalah pantas dihukum seberat-beratnya. Hukum harus ditegakkan di atas segalanya, dengan pengorbanan apa pun. Di matanya, orang seperti Valjean adalah sampah masyarakat yang tidak punya harapan. ‘Fallen from grace’ – seperti lirik lagunya mengungkapkan. Hukum tidak mengenal belas kasihan. Hukum di atas belas kasihan. Hukum bahkan tidak peduli esensi kebenaran, karena mereka berpikir dia di atas kebenaran.

Bukankah mudah kita lihat di sekeliling kita, orang-orang suci yang melaksanakan tugas, perang, misi Illahi, walaupun itu menindas belas kasihan. Dengan nama hukum atau nama Tuhan atau nama cita-cita atau ideologi atau sesuatu yang mulia, tetapi melupakan belas kasihan dan menyisakan kekejaman. Bukan hanya segerombolan orang, bahkan juga negara. Sebuah negara super power yang selalu mengkritik negara lain akan hak asasi manusia, misalnya – tetapi memiliki kamp penyiksaan yang keji, yang dibangun di luar wilayahnya (untuk mempelintir hukum).

Dalam kerohanian, hidup dalam hukum penuh dengan penghakiman, ketakutan, karena hukum tidak pernah puas. Alas, pendeta lebih senang menggunakan hukum di atas mimbar untuk menekan, menakuti jemaat karena mereka akan lebih mudah dikendalikan untuk kepentingan sang pendeta, atas nama hukum Tuhan.

Bishop Myriel adalah gambaran kasih karunia. Karena yang dikehendakinya adalah belas kasihan dan bukan hukum.

Valjean mendedikasikan hidupnya untuk membesarkan Cosette, putri Fantene, seorang bekas karyawannya yang berusaha dia tolong. Valjean tidak tertarik akan politik, belas kasihannya pada Fantene tulus dan tidak ada romans di antara mereka. Dia tidak memiliki ideologi yang besar dan ‘mulia’ seperti untuk mendirikan negara baru, yang dia lakukan hanyalah belas kasihan yang sederhana.

Dan hukum tidak pernah melepaskannya dan selalu mengejar-ngejar hidupnya.

Itulah saat babak “one day more” mulai. Esok bagi Valjean adalah sederhana. Esok adalah untuk tetap hidup. Hidup yang dijalaninya seperti yang dipesankan oleh sang Bishop, bahwa jiwanya telah dipersembahkan kepada Allah.

On the Cross Road

This is my fish tank that I just set up as a beginner. The theme as the title depicts is 'On the Cross Road'.

Imagine you were standing beneath the tall tree in front of the cross road. Two stony white roads before you. On the left, looks simple, wide and some big roots, waving from far. The other road is winding, with some tentacles-like roots, and welcome by some red lotus and beautiful leaves.

On your left is a submerged garden inviting you to rest. On the right, at the distance you see the mountain-like tall tress inviting you to conquer them.

For the record, the fishes I keep are flame dwarf gouramis, cardinal tetras, otto, shrimps, coolie loach, german blue ram, albino red fin shark, guppy, corydoras, lots of golden algae eaters, some ramshorn snails.

How to fix set language in Word 2007

It's amazing that how can an annoying product with such mistake in simple matters, still become the de facto standard in the word processing arena.

If you use MS Word for English only, then it's fine. But for many people, like me it is irritating if you are typing Bahasa Indonesia using MS Word. It would undermine your human rights, by capitalizing the word "Cuma", because our dear friend, thinks that Cuma is a name of a day, hence needs to be capitalized. And sometimes to my horror, it would auto correct the word "memberi" to "member".

So, put aside about human rights, I also find the way to fix this problem is horrible. Everytime I set the language to Indonesian, it would just automatically set back to English.

Ok, maybe you said, just change the MS Office Tools Language setting to be Indonesian and remove the English at all. Oh yes, but we are bilingual, and we use both languages quite often, I cannot everytime I want to create a document I go to the control panel!

Here is the solution:
1. Create a brand new template: New -> My templates -> Create New
2. Rename that template as Normal_indo.dotm
3. Change the default set language as "Indonesian" and please uncheck the "Detect Language automatically" and check do not check spelling/grammar. Anyway I don't need Bill to check my Indonesian spelling.
4. Save it

The wonderful Microsoft Word, strange enough, at the bottom bar, would still change to English everytime I press Enter. At least I am not annoyed by the auto correct.

The hassle is we have to open the template, if we want to create a non English document.