As time passes by

6 Christmases at Gtn, 2 at DD, 1 at Av, and now 2 at At. 

Managing thru excitement and many unhappiness and sore. 

Most colored by anxiety. 

Why could not we truly believe that there is a pillar of cloud and pillar of fire?

Find my promised land, I hope. The land to live for and to die for. 

~Batavia

The book of Benjamin

My son Benjamin is still upset that there is no first and second Benjamin book, unlike 1-2 Samuel Books for his brother. 

Pretending Faith

So today someone shot (backstab) me. What should I do? Revenge?

I asked Jesus.

What would I do if I am in the state of full trust in Him? That He loves me. That he takes care of me. That he will guarantee my provision.

Why should I be worry of what others think of me if anyway He who provides me owns all the mountains, sea and cattles?

So my perspective changed, even as I 'pretend' to believe

Oh Jesus, I believe in You. Help my unbelief!

The Handle of Life

I have just met a friend, someone I have been knowing for 18 years. He happens to drop by to my city so we catch up. 

We were at the top of one of the stars hotel at Marina Bay and enjoying our chit chat. 

Time ticked and night crawled and we were about to part, when he shared of his life philosophy. 

We, the matter/body we have, is just a form of energy thus energy can be transformed and not destroyed when we die, he said. We are just a small dust in the universe. Through  meditation we can attain peace and free from attachment, he continued. 

I presented him with a realistic case. Say, you are out of job and no money. Your son is sick and you cannot send him to hospital, what would you feel? Hence don't you have to worry on daily affairs of money and have good secured job?  As I predicted,  his calm answer is that our son is not really our son. 

Yes, because in the energy concept in the universe all are just flying dust and we have no attachment.

I explained to him the concept of Christianity in 'his language'; that if we are the energy aka spirit, we are longing to be united with the Source of Spirit the God. And only God can reach us and not we try otherwise. 

That's the problem with Christianity, he said. It's just about get saved, reborn and nothing changed in your life. You do not have the tools to attain peace and mind control, he said, unlike meditation. 

I feel like deja vu. Actually we had something like this conversation 18 years ago. I remember he shared to me that from the TVRI's mimbar agama, the pastors looked like restless but the others are calm and composed. 

The fact now is that he looks much calmer than I am and more peaceful. As he said, if you know you are just energy in the universe you will be from worry. He still believes the existence of God who would also predestined all, though. 

As for me I have spent the first hours sharing my work stress and the worry of city life and money. 

I feel like deja vu. 

I tried to explain that rightfully if one believe in Christ, his mind will be changed and he will attain peace too. But I could not go further as I have no peace to display. 

I conclude that to handle life there are 3 or 4 ways. 

One is if you think the futility of life and the vanity in it and you will feel life is light and just laughter. There is no real pain but illusion and we are just form of energy. Your son is not really yours, he is just energy related to you. Not attached. 

Second, if we think there is something to chase, to achieve and to overcome in life and lucky enough, your last name is Riady, for example, so you can make things happen. 

Third, we think like the second one but our resources are very limited and our strength is weak - we will end up neither here nor there. Life is a constant worry and dissapointment. 

Fourth, we think there is something in life, and meaning and purpose and it's real. And we believe wholeheartedly in perfect faith that the God will take care of us like He does to the sparrows and the lilies - in that perfect faith you will surely be freed of worry. This is also on the basis that such God exists and He will not make the smallest mistake else the faith will be abused. 

So either go extreme left or right. Woe to you if you are in the middle. 

Wake up call

I bought chicken rice today for my dinner, as my wife is away.
The auntie, looked at me as I queued, "Yes, uncle?" she asked...

Ouch.

Time flies. Finally someone "older" than me called me uncle.

What have I done in my short life?

The Treasure

Last night right after I made love to my wife, I suddenly thought of a novel by Coelho, the Alchemy. 

In that story a young man had a dream that he would find great treasure in a far far away place. Fast forward, he traveled with all adversities to the place he was told in the dream. Towards the end of the story he was robbed and beaten up by a gang of thug. One of them laughed about his dream of seeing a treasure in a far far away place, which is the young man's home. 

In short, the young man went back and found the treasure in his hometown. 

Morale of the story - do we ever know where our treasure is? 

And as I ponder, is it gold and property? Money and bank account? To own many successful businesses?  I think the one near to me is my family. The family I always have is indeed my treasure. 

The Search of men

Setelah mencapai usia 40 tahun, kadang-kadang dalam kelelahan terpikir juga orang itu hidup untuk apa ya? Layangkan pandangan ke luar jendela, dari kota metropolis, ribuan jutaan orang bergerak cepat tergesa. Seperti gelisah. Sebagian tercecer, sebagian bersinar di balik jas ribuan dollar di atas mobil mewah. Untuk apa? Seperti semut mereka bergerak dengan cepat dan pasti. 

Aku pikir susah payahnya orang di kolong langit sepertinya karena dua hal. Untuk menghindari kepedihan dan untuk mengejar kesenangan atau kenyamanan. Dua-duanya baik dari sisi fisik atau non fisik. Paling tidak sistem dunia ini mendesain seperti demikian.

Kebanyakan orang menterjemahkannya dengan satu atau dua solusi. Uang dan kekuasaan. Dengan uang, kita dapat menghindari kepedihan dan kesakitan fisik. Lapar? Kalau punya uang makan apapun bisa. Kedinginan, kehujanan. Uang membelikan pakaian dan rumah, juga dengan air panas otomatis. ( Saya teringat nasehat seorang konglomerat dulu - waktu dia kecil kalau mau mandi air panas mesti masak air dulu, makanya dia ngga mau miskin lagi karena repot mesti masak air :) ). Uang juga menghindari kepedihan non fisik, yaitu penghinaan. Bahkan sesungguhnya banyak orang kaya yang takut miskin bukan karena takut penderitaan fisik, misalkan mesti ngirit makan, tetapi karena tidak mau dihina. Siapa yang akan menghina kamu kalau kamu naik jaguar dan tinggal di istana gading? Uang juga dipersepsikan bisa menghindari sakit - bisa bayar dokter dan rumah sakit yang termahal - apalagi karena dokter juga butuh uang.

Selain kepedihan, kesenangan dan kenyamanan adalah pendorong orang untuk bekerja keras. Kesenangan makan makanan yang enak, minum yang aneh-aneh, rumah yang nyaman, pelayan, mobil - semua memuaskan secara fisik. Dengan uang, bisa meningkatkan kesehatan, beli semua makanan organik, supplemen kesehatan, dokter pribadi, dan semua alat canggih lainnya. Sejak jaman dulu para raja juga koleksi dari cula badak, sampai kemaluan binatang katanya untuk meningkatkan kesehatan. Uang juga bisa membeli kesenangan fisik untuk memuaskan nafsu manusia. Uang juga memberikan kepuasan non fisik. Penghargaan, kehormatan - wow! Kalau punya uang, PR bisa disewa untuk bikin pencitraan. Pergi ke ujung dunia yang paling eksotik? Mengencani aktris cantik? Semua mungkin karena uang, kan?

Jadi demikian, sederhananya basic instinct manusia. Hindari kepedihan, kejar kenikmatan. Hidup pun jadi berarti, demikian kata sistem yang berjalan sekarang.

Bagaimana kalau ada sistem yang lain? Bahwa manusia hidup karena memiliki suatu makna. Dan tujuan kita hidup itu untuk menemukan makna itu. Dalam pencarian makna itu, hal-hal seperti cinta, Pencipta, sukacita menjadi sesuatu yang lebih bermakna daripada sekedar menghindari kepedihan dan mengejar kenikmatan. 

Pada akhirnya, aku tidak tahu mengapa mesti ada kepedihan dan kenikmatan dan siapa yang menciptakan sistem seperti itu.

Tetapi berhenti sebentar, dan berpikir hidup ini untuk apa dan bermakna apa, menanyakan pada diri sendiri - takutkah kita akan kesakitan fisik dan penghinaan? Benarkah jiwa kita haus akan kehormatan dan kenikmatan duniawi?

Magical world

For a child, the word 'impossible' does not exist in their vocabulary. 

The wooden toys are alive, the ugly beast becomes a prince. 

Same for us, if only we can believe. 

Same for the blind man who could see that the passing man was not a mere Jesus of Nazareth, but Jesus the Son of David. He saw more than eyes could see.  His faith has made him well. 

Same for us, if we can believe and we will see the magical Kingdom here. 

(Inspired by Ray Bevan  - 2014). 

The key of living

One can only live a meaningful life and withstand all sufferings when he fully knows and comprehends that his Creator, the greatest being, loves him very much unconditionally, specially and uniquely and individually and has special purpose for him during his life on earth. 

Fearless in Divergent

I just watched Divergent and as usual there are some insights I can pick from movie. 

In the movie there was a scene where Tris had to pass a simulation test how to overcome his fear. If she were a dauntless she would need to confront the object of her fears. But because she was a divergent she was able to recognise that it was not real and instead of fight against the object of fear she simply shrugg them off. 

I used to have a lot of nightmare too, but after a while I could recognise it was a dream and tried to control the dream or tried to wake up. Not all the times though. 

Same thing in life. There are 2 ways to overcome fear. You could fight the object of fear. Brace your selves. Brave yourselves. Make up your mind. Hardened your heart. Take heart, be strong, be courageus, take bravery. Fight your fears. 

Another way is to take control of your mind and step into the real reality that none of your fear is real. None of it? What?? You may ask, gotta be kidding! The situation is real!

If you step into God's reality and His perfect love and you completely trust Him - there shall be no fear. You will find that the object of fears in life are not real because Someone has already overcome it. 

It's faith. Some would call it insane too. 

And today I just read a fearful news that average people may not have enough to survive in their retirement ages in Singapore, one of the most wealthiest country. 

Fear, fear not? 

Brave yourself? 

Trust Him?

Once upon on Saturday

Today I managed to paint the wall that was previously decorated by Ben. First time and not bad :)

And talking about Ben - today he prayed for a taxi when we were waiting in the bus stop. Miraculously, a taxi straight away appeared as soon as he finished the prayer. But-but-but someone ahead of us stopped the taxi first. Ben protested and shouted, 'Hey, I pray first...!'

I had dinner with family at a food court. There was a seller selling some stuffs like key chain etc approached us. He carried a paper showing his 'license' (or perhaps business registration) and a photo of little girl. He had moved from one table to another and seemed no success. I was prepared to say no as well - or in fact I did. But I caught him saying something in broken English about taking care of his grandmother. 

So, I looked at him. About 40+. Face described his years of hard life. He is local. Arms full of tattoo. Whether he cheated or lied or was honest - I don't know. But I know $10 is not gonna hurt me. 

I bought a touch pen. 

'Do you know how much in the shop?' He asked.

 I shook my head.

 'Twelve dollar,' he said.

 'Anyway I just want to help you.' I said.

 I looked at him and curiously asked him, 'Is it difficult?' 

He was a bit surprised of my questions. And he started pouring out his struggle. I couldn't really capture, but the story flows, he has to take care his grandparent and parents and his 1 year old girl and his wife left him...the conversation stop as 2 girls 'shoo-shoo' him as they need to walk through.

I saw him hopping around the tables. Mostly no success. I regretted, I should have bought more. 

Life is hard. 

I took a cab. The taxi driver politely asked me to show the way as he is new. So naturally I chatted with him on his life story. He said he just started 2 weeks after 5 years working in Thailand. Car is expensive, he said. So he took taxi because he needs the car to take care of his grandma once a week. That makes him difficult to work normal job as well, as he said, nobody wants to employ if he must take leave once a week. He told me he needs to drive about 10 hours to be break even. 

Life is hard, again.

I admire the two men I met. They are filial. It's just that the system makes their life difficult. 

I hope prayer can resolve difficulties and suffering. I do hope. 

Kingdom

Kingdom is about control. The authority is with the King. That means the King has control over his territory. To look upon the  Kingdom of God is to see that He has the control over everything happens in our life. If we trust the King cares for us and He is sovereign in His Kingdom that means we shall care for nothing!

Kingdom means we live and act princely as we are. Just like Jesus, albeit he was born into poor family in Betlehem, all his acts are royal 

About Time and Logotherapy

One of most profound quote from Victor Frankl is this: "Live as if you were living a second time, and as though you had acted wrongly the first time."

It is beautifully described in the movie "About Time" in this monolog:

1. Tim Lake: We're all traveling through time, together, everyday of our lives... All we can do is do our best to relish this remarkable life.
2. 
   
3. The truth is, I now don't travel back at all, not even for a day. I just try to live everyday as if I have deliberately come back to this one day, to enjoy it... As if it was the full, final day of my extraordinary, ordinary life.

Actually I had Frankl's book for long time, but I can only appreciate when I watch the movie....

Our paradigm defines our meaning of life. The faith and the life itself.

Time Travel

What if you could travel back in time? How would you relive the moment you had in the past?

It would be a very very complicated life. And interesting one.

I suddenly now see the book of Revelation in different light. God is immortal because he is not inside or under time. He is outside time, he is eternal.

This is the big secret, the moment we become His child and born again, we are born again into eternity and become immortal too! We actually have already been outside the time, while still spending the rest of our mortal life inside the time.

Then what is the book of Revelation for?

The book of revelation is a picture, oh a victorious one, about us, in future! Yes, it's in the picture. 

So, it is as if, the life we live now is we come back from the future.

What do we have in future? What do we have in the book of Revelation? Who do we live with in that future? What happen to us in that future?

Imagine if you have (perfect tense here) lived in that kind of future, and you travel back in time to today, how would you live your life?

What would you want for your life today, with that knowledge from future?
How would you want to re-live your today? What would matter to you?

It's gonna be interesting :)

PS: Inspired by "About Time" 

Dedicated to my wife - I love you so much, you are my best moment in life, my most treasure, the reason I am happy to re-live my moments... 
Happy Valentine, Love!

Written from Hong Kong